Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize