Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
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OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
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All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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