ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
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I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
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I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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