We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
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Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can you bring me the toilet please
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
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Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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