I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
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Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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