Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
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I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
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Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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