Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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