Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
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He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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