i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
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He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
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I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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