another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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