Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
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Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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