He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Your penis caused this!
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