Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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