Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
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I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
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I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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