i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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