i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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