I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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