I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
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Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
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I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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