We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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