guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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