The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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