No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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