I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
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I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
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But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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