Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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