yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
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He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
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I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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