dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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