I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
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I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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