is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
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There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
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I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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