apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize