last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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