69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
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We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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