He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
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Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
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The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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