my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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