i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I need water and some morals
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize