i don't like sucking hair
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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