fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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