booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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