So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize