Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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