dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
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im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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