The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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