I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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