so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
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Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
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He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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