they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize