and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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