wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize