I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize