the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize