I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize