I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
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If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
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So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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